


The Value of Age

by RenegadeDreamer



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, reiji is a mess of insecurities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 11:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19272325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenegadeDreamer/pseuds/RenegadeDreamer
Summary: With age comes wisdom, or so the common saying goes. But more than anything, Reiji can't help but see his age as an unfortunate and immutable flaw, one that will only keep growing and depreciating his value.





	The Value of Age

Reiji liked to think his experience brought value - there was that saying about aging and fine wine. He enjoyed giving advice to the younger members of Starish and was happy they thought enough of him to view him as a mentor. He found it satisfying to apply previous knowledge to new songs and choreography and building on that knowledge to create something even better than prior works. But he began to wonder if that was enough. If _he_ was enough. If his form of aging was more like wrinkled grapes than fine wine.

That high jump kick he’d snuck into the Force Live video in a fit of impulsiveness had left him with a strained hamstring for weeks afterwards. Thankfully it wasn’t severe enough to necessitate time off, though he did try not to overwork it further and secretly elevate and ice it when he was alone. He laughed off his bandmates’ chiding (especially Ai’s) and pretended he didn’t feel his leg tense from pain with every step. Putting on an act was just part of his daily life, so adding one more thing to said act wasn’t hard. The director had praised the spontaneity and said that while he hadn’t planned for that improvised addition, it fit in well with the rest of the video. He also praised Reiji’s use of positioning and lighting to provide different effects in expressions and choreography. To Reiji, that made the pain worth it.

Then there was the skiing assignment he had with Cecil on the slopes alongside Ren and Ai. Cecil’s seemingly inexhaustible energy, Ren’s expertise, and Ai’s quick learning had all highlighted his own shortcomings. He’d tried to compensate by using the ambience of the lights illuminating the mountain at night as a way to make his shots stand out, but Ren and Ai had also caught on and joined in, taking away his one advantage. It didn’t help that the next morning the other three seemed perfectly fine, just as limber and energetic as usual, while Reiji felt sore all over, his muscles protesting every movement. He rarely had a chance to work with Cecil, so the opportunity to do so had been nice. Something about his naivety and enthusiasm was contagious and lifted Reiji’s mood, even if he didn’t quite understand Cecil’s comments about magic. The younger man’s boundless vitality was so…so… _youthful_. It just made the contrast between them feel all the more acute. A reminder of just how long he’d been at this.

What did he have, if not idol work? Yes, he could always go back home to run Kotobuki Bento, and there would be no shame in that. But being an idol had become such a significant part of his life and identity that he didn’t want to give it up. So he worked all the harder to ensure he wouldn’t fall - or rather, get _left_ behind. He no longer paid attention to what time it was while he practiced by himself late at night, but always set his alarms so he’d be on time for whatever appointments were scheduled the next day. So much weighed on his mind that hunger barely registered with him, though he still ate with his bandmates when their schedules coincided. A not quite conscious part of him started to think Ai was right about him being too heavy anyway, so what did it matter whether he ate or not. He did make sure he was diligent about how much he ate in front of Ai, knowing how closely he paid attention to every little detail. Camus and Ranmaru were more indifferent, so it was easier to slip things by them.

Despite the praise and success and high ratings Quartet Night (and even he himself) got, he could still feel the loom of his expiration date. It gnawed at his back as he struggled to stay ahead of it. But he didn’t know how long he could. 

\---------------------------------

Reiji felt disconnected to everything. 

The only things keeping his halfway grounded in reality were the dance steps of their routines and the lyrics of their songs. They were all he had left. 

When he raised an arm, it felt as though there was a weight strapped to it, or that gravity was pulling down on his body harder than normal. When he took a step it felt like he was walking underwater. With how much sweat was making his clothes stick to his body, it felt like he might as well have been. Was the air conditioning even working? Did he always run out of breath so easily?

While the members of Quartet Night had managed to get to a point where they could cooperate better than when they were first put together (and even actually bond on some level), his bandmates still did not pull any punches with their words. He accepted that that was part of their personalities. He knew none of them were being deliberately malicious, and Ai in particular usually had no personal intent behind them, just simple statements of fact. But slipping into old patterns was too easy, and on bad days (of which there were increasingly more), the harsh comments still cut him to the core.

“You had best not hold us back, Kotobuki.”

“Damn, you slowing down in your old age, geezer?”

“Reiji, what are you doing? Keep up!”

“S-sorry about that, guys. Once more from the top?”

Ranmaru scoffed. “Forget it. I don’t wanna waste more time watching you mess up.” He walked out of the room.

“I suppose it was time for a break anyway,” Camus said as he took a drink from his water bottle. “Continuing right now would indeed be a waste of time.”

Ai caught up with Reiji as he also left the room. “Reiji. What is happening? This is not like you. Yesterday you made 25% less mistakes than today.”

“I don’t know. Guess I’m just tired. Sorry, I’ll do better-” Suddenly he felt woozy and stumbled into a wall. Or rather, it seemed like the wall had jutted out to collide into his body.

Ai immediately moved in front of him and put his hands on Reiji’s shoulders to help support him. “Reiji? Maybe you should stop for today an-”

Reiji bit back a comment on how they didn’t need to baby him and brushed past Ai. “It’s nothing. Just…need a minute, that’s all.” He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door without giving Ai a chance to respond.

He splashed cold water on his face. The coldness felt refreshing and helped clear his head a bit. Looking into the mirror, he started to wonder when his undereyes had gotten so dark. And was it just the lighting or were those lines beginning to form on his forehead? Had no one really noticed? They weren’t visible in recent photos or TV segments he had done, at least. He was privately grateful to the makeup artists who’d simply worked their magic with no comment on his flaws. They probably had their work cut out for them, he must’ve had so many. Ai probably didn’t need any, he was already so flawless.

Ai. Why was Ai even with him? He would never age, and his body would never decline as long as he was maintained regularly. He was beautiful and capable and perfect. Surely he could do better than someone passing his prime. Someone younger, smarter, stronger, and just as amazing as Ai was. Even Camus or Ranmaru would probably be a better match for him. He was holding Ai back by being with him, just like he was holding back Quartet Night. He loved him dearly and would do anything for him, but surely other people could do that and more. What could he actually offer?

He remembered the headlines that trashed celebrities who people thought were trying to chase long gone glory days. How harsh the tabloids could be on celebrities that had been around for a long time and were no longer at the peak of their popularity and relevancy but still garnered media attention (not all of it flattering). Washed up. Has-beens. Past their prime.

How long before those phrases were applied to him?

Once he exited the bathroom and reentered the room they were practicing in, he continued to put on a performance just as he always had, both on and offstage. A silly teasing comment accompanied by one of his usual smiles and nicknames that garnered the usual groans and eyerolls. Suggestions for lyrics and choreography that were immediately accepted surprisingly often. Whatever his other qualities, his skills as an idol were valuable enough to keep him around, today notwithstanding. That’s all he was ever good for - his bandmates sure let him know that often enough…

No, he told himself. Focus. This performance was coming up soon. It was important.

Weren’t they all?

More important than-

He put his foot down with more force than he’d intended. One, right foot step out front, two, left arm up, three…

His cue was coming up. He tried to recall the next line he was about to sing. What was it…he’d learned this song inside and out as usual, why couldn’t he-

“Kotobuki, stop fooling around!”

“Oi, Reiji, snap out of it!”

“Reiji, focus!”

His bandmates’ voices barely registered with him. He might as well have been under water. Alone, where not much sound could reach him. No insults. No cutting comments. No backs turned to him. No reminders of his shortcomings. Just tranquilly floating weightlessly…

It didn’t even register when his body hit the ground.

\---------------------------------

The first thing Reiji felt was warmth.

The second thing Reiji felt was the weight of an arm on him.

He was laying on his back on his bed. He had no memory of what had happened after he struggled to recall his next line. How had he gotten here? What time was it?

A quick glance at his nightstand answered the last question. 4 AM. On the other side of him was Ai, one arm draped over him. His eyes were closed, his body still. 

Reiji turned his head to look around the rest of his room. Ranmaru was sprawled out on the giant beanbag chair in the corner. Camus sat on the couch, leaning back with arms and legs crossed, poised even in sleep. 

He basked in Ai’s warmth and the feel of his arms wrapped around him and how peaceful Ai looked. He wanted to roll over and wrap his arms around Ai in return, but he didn’t want to risk waking Ai, even though he was nigh impossible to rouse while in sleep mode. He didn’t want Ai to remember he was supposed to hate him, just like the rest of his bandmates.

Time felt like it had stopped in this seemingly impossible dream, this moment where the four of them were all together in one room without any fighting. He almost wished it stayed this way forever, so there would always be this peace and companionship and he didn’t have to worry about what ravages the passage of time would bring. He didn’t want to take his eyes off the sight of all his bandmates gathered in his room for fear it would pop like a bubble. But soon his eyelids grew too heavy and his consciousness too floaty and he drifted off again.

\---------------------------------

The first thing Reiji felt was cold.

The second thing Reiji felt was a lack of weight.

Looking around, he saw only an empty room. “It was just a dream after all,” Reiji mused to himself. The thought sent a sharp pain through his chest and tears to his eyes, and he grabbed one of his pillows and held it close, his body curling up around it. His shoulders started to shake. The hours of sleep - while probably the first ones that could be fully counted as sleep at least this week, they didn’t quite make up for previous nights - had failed to alleviate the exhaustion weighing him down or to replenish the dam that allowed him to hold back the tide of emotions now leaking out. “Just…a dream…”

Just then the door opened and Reiji sprung up, briefly burying his face into his pillow and hoping that was enough to wipe away any trace of tears. Ai walked in holding a bowl in one hand and a mug in the other hand. Both had steam rising out of them. “Ai-Ai…”

“Good morning, Reiji. I was just helping Ranmaru prepare breakfast. According to my research, chicken soup is the best thing for someone who is sick.”

Reiji was bewildered. Sick? Since when? It was true he’d been working long hours, but that was idol life as usual. Surely he wasn’t actually sick. Tired, maybe. But not sick.

Ranmaru followed Ai into the room with a plate containing one of his signature omelets. “Oi, you better not waste the food by letting it get cold.”

Ai set the items he was holding down on the nightstand, then walked over to the bed and leaned in to peer at Reiji’s face. “Reiji? Is something wrong?”

“H-huh? O-oh, nothing, nothing at all, Ai-Ai! A-anyway, that looks good, we shoul-”

Ai narrowed his eyes. “You are not making eye contact. There is tension in your vocal cords.” He placed a hand on each side of Reiji’s face and brushed a thumb under Reiji’s eyes. “There is moisture under your eyes.”

At that Reiji’s eyes widened and he tried to jerk his head away but Ai’s grip held firm. “Wha- no, uh, it’s wasn’t, I-I just…didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all!” Then, distantly and almost as if he wasn’t aware he was speaking aloud, “I had…a beautiful dream…but that…that couldn’t possibly be have been real…”

Naturally, Ai’s senses were so sharp he never missed a thing. “What was this…’beautiful dream’?”

“That- I- no, um, it’s nothing, Ai-Ai! Nothing all all!” A small self deprecating laugh. “Just…just me being stupid Reiji as…as usual…”

For a moment, Ai said nothing, simply watched Reiji. “Hm. I sensed no disturbances during any portion of your sleep cycle.”

Ranmaru rolled his eyes as he put down the plate he was holding. “Ai, just say he slept through the whole night. I didn’t hear him move around either.”

Ai glanced at Ranmaru. “But aren’t you a heavy sleeper, Ranmaru?”

Reiji couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Wasn’t it all just a dream? “What…what did you guys just say…?”

Camus was the last to join them. “Isn’t it a little early for water works?”

Reiji looked at all three of his bandmates. Here they were again, the four of them together in his room. “You were all…here the whole night?”

Camus nodded. “We were. We had to ensure you wouldn’t go out and be even more reckless than you’ve been.”

“We had to carry you all the way back here because you were out like a rock. Ai said you’d sometimes sneak out at night and not come back until late the next day, then immediately pass out in bed,” Ranmaru added. “The hell were you doing, dumbass? You made him worry.” He diverted his eyes. “And, well, uh…never mind.” 

Reiji smiled a little at the unsaid implication, then looked at Ai. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d notice. I didn’t mean to worry you.” He then looked at his other bandmates. “I was just out practicing. I didn’t want to…to…” He looked down at the floor. “…hold you guys back.”

“Pushing yourself to the point of collapse is holding us back,” Camus replied.

Reiji felt ashamed he had let things get to this point and that he’d caused his bandmates hassle. He wanted to crawl back under his covers just to escape the weight of his bandmates’ stares. “Sorry for the trouble, guys. It won’t happen again.”

Ranmaru stared at Reiji. “Somehow hearing you talk like that is…weird.”

“Well right now he sounds a lot more mature than you, Kurosaki. And that’s saying something given Kotobuki’s usual comportment.”

Ranmaru shot a glare at Camus. “You tryin’ to start something?!” 

“Guys, enough,” Ai cut in. He then turned to Reiji. “And don’t think you’re off the hook, you don’t get to sweep this under a rug.” He pushed Reiji’s chin up so he was forced to make eye contact. “I noticed your body weight was 12% lighter while carrying you. I know what I’ve said about your weight, but…this isn’t how I wanted it to be handled.”

“You shoulda said something, you idiot,” Ranmaru said. “Just…look, I know we give you a hard time, but this…this isn’t what we wanted.”

“You should know better than this, Kotobuki. You’ve been around longer than the rest of us.”

Reiji winced at the reminder of his age. “I…yeah, you’re right.” Then, quietly and with a touch of bitterness, “I’m just a geezer, after all, right? Soon to be all washed up. And it’s not like I can change that.” He sighed, realizing how self pitying that sounded. “Sorry, never mind, you guys don’t have to respond to that.” 

Camus took a step towards him. “I will anyway. Age is not necessarily a detriment. It can bring more experience to draw from. You do have that, I admit, even if not the maturity that should go along with it.”

In spite of the last part, there was enough of a compliment buried in what Camus had just said to draw a wan smile from Reiji. “Myu-chan…”

“Besides,” Ai added, “My research indicates physical strength peaks around 30, which is followed by a decline in muscle mass.”

Reiji groaned and looked down at the floor. “Great.”

“But,” Ai continued, “my research also indicates this can be countered with proper exercise and training, and that it is possible to maintain that strength for another 20 years as long as there is no injury or disease.”

Reiji still felt dejected by the reminder of the effects of getting older lurking in the future, but hearing things weren’t completely hopeless comforted him somewhat. “That’s…that’s something, I guess.”

“Driving yourself to exhaustion and not taking proper care of your body will achieve the opposite of what you’re looking for,” Camus said.

Reiji sighed. “Yeah. I’m…not being a very good role model, huh?”

“Don’t worry, none of us ever saw you that way,” Camus replied. 

Reiji let out a quiet sardonic laugh. “Hah…right.”

Ai stared at Reiji, as though he were analyzing him. “This is…a very atypical response from you, Reiji. Normally you’d react with over-the-top tears and protests.”

Ranmaru also seemed thrown off by Reiji’s response. “What kind of - are you really Reiji?” He sighed. “Geez, _that’s_ what all this was about? I mean…hell’s even the point of worrying about that? Not like anyone can stop it. Just worry about the stuff you gotta do right now instead of some far-off thing that might not even go down like you think it will.”

“As crude as he is, Kurosaki actually makes a salient point. It is fruitless to worry about things so outside of your control. Instead, simply focus on excelling at the things you can control.” 

“Oh shove it, Camus.” His next words came out haltingly, as though he struggled to find the right ones. “Just…just, look, you can be annoying sometimes, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want you around or that you’re useless, even if you’re being an idiot.” Another sigh. “Besides, with how hyper you tend to be, I’m sure you’ll be around to annoy us for a long time yet.”

“Since you have no pedestal you need to maintain, you are free to simply keep being yourself.” Camus crossed his arms and looked to the side. “As long as you keep up your end of the work, of course.”

Reiji’s head lifted at the mention of work. “Hey…didn’t we have an appearance and rehearsals scheduled today? I should get ready-” He started to get out of bed, only for Ranmaru to push him right back in.

“Oh no way. You’re staying right here. We’re not having a repeat of yesterday,” Ranmaru said.

“We will handle everything today,” Camus added. Then, almost as an afterthought, “It seems work ethic is not something you’re lacking, at least. That…is something of note, I suppose.”

Reiji laughed. “Wow, two Myu-chan compliments in one day - I really must be dreaming!”

Camus turned towards the door. “Hmph. Don’t get used to it. You still have other areas to work on.”

“I will stay here and look after Reiji,” Ai said.

“Huh? Hey, it’s fine, I’ll be okay, I don’t wanna get in the way of work, you guys can just-” A loud growl from Reiji’s stomach cut off the end of that sentence.

“Oh just shaddup and let him do it,” Ranmaru said. “And eat something already. Your mouth makes enough noise as is, we don’t need your stomach joining in.”

Ai put a hand on Reiji’s forehead. “Also, your temperature is still high enough to be considered a fever. I don’t have any urgent appointments today anyway, so I am available to monitor you.”

Camus shrugged. “Well, you heard him. We will be able to handle affairs for today. Even without Kurosaki’s help, I am more than capable of handling everything.”

Ranmaru growled and pointedly turned his back to Camus to address Ai. “Make sure this dumbass doesn’t overdo it again.”

Ai nodded. “Of course.”

Reiji looked at his two perpetually feuding bandmates. “I’m sure everything’s in good hands with you two. Just…try to make sure both of you come back intact, OK?”

While they gave only noncommittal noises in response, Reiji decided to take the lack of glares and further back-and-forth insults as positive signs. Once Camus and Ranmaru had left, Ai and Reiji sat quietly for a while, with Reiji taking Ranmaru’s advice and eating what he and Ai had brought in earlier. After he had finished, Ai spoke up. “This…this was partially my fault as well.”

Reiji sat more upright and whirled his head towards Ai. “What? No, no, it wasn’t-” 

“I noticed you had an elevated body temperature, a decrease in focus and memory, slower reaction time, and unusual frequency in clumsiness. I should’ve pushed harder for you to stop and rest.”

Hearing all of his missteps and shortcomings laid out at once, even if they were mostly caused by overexertion rather than inherent lack of ability, caused Reiji to cringe. “Oh…well, I…I didn’t think I was _that_ badly off.”

“I…I did also notice changes in your eating patterns. I’d initially thought you’d finally taken advisories about proper diet and weight management to heart.” 

Reiji blinked, not having expected Ai to have caught on to that. Where had he slipped up? “Wow, nothing really gets past you, huh, Ai-Ai?”

“I suppose you could say that. But failing to speak up and step in sooner was my error. Though I would’ve expected, with your years of experience, that you would’ve worked out a proper routine of self-care and maintenance by now.”

Even in trying to maintain his image as a pro idol in his prime, he had made rookie mistakes a veteran like him should be long beyond. Just the very word veteran and the phrase “years of experience” were enough to strike a sore spot in Reiji. The fact that Ai would likely never have to deal with the issues that came with aging also nagged at him.

“What would you know? You’re not-“ Reiji clapped both hands over his mouth, but it was too late to keep Ai from surmising the end of that sentence.

Ai’s expression was unreadable. “No. I’m not. But I’ve done plenty of research to obtain more data to work off of. But it seems I still need more.” A pause. “I…I just don’t want to see you hurt further. Or to have any more incidents like yesterday. It was quite alarming when you suddenly collapsed and we couldn’t rouse you.”

Pangs of guilt poked through Reiji, and he was too ashamed to look Ai in the eye. “Ai-Ai…I’m sorry, I should never have even-“

“You were not incorrect.” Ai turned his head to look out the window. “I…I do admit I still have a lot more to learn in this area.” Then, before Reiji could reply, “Although…it seems it might help if I set up a schedule for you like I did for Natsuki and Syo.”

Reiji remembered the complaints from Syo (and Natsuki trying to placate him) about how strict those schedules were. “Oh…that’s nice of you, but…but I’m sure you have enough to do…”

Ai narrowed his eyes. “You’re not just trying to get out of this, are you?”

Reiji tried to pretend Ai hadn’t just hit the mark, with limited success. “O-Of course not, Ai-Ai!”

“Well…I suppose you have shown you’re not afraid to work hard. I just…want you to stay healthy and be around as long as possible. And not just for the sake of the band.”

“Y-You mean that, Ai-Ai?”

“Of course. I would not have said it if I didn’t.” A sigh. “Still, it seems you need more physical exercise. Your lack of endurance was evident when we did the photoshoot on the slopes. It also seems you need someone to keep an eye on you to ensure you don’t overdo it like this again.”

“I…I suppose it wouldn’t be good to have a repeat of today, like Ran-Ran said. But I just…don’t want to be a burden on you guys. Even if I have more experience, what does any of that mean if…if…I can’t even…”

Reiji couldn’t help but reflect on his flaws. His lack of stamina relative to everyone else. His comparatively lacking muscle definition - which, while still better than the average everyday man, still fell short next to his bandmates and the members of Starish. His age - that unfortunate and immutable flaw. Why was Ai even with him? What could he offer that no one else could? “Look at me. I’m already…already over the hill. Past prime. You could do so much better. And you’d have more time with…with-” He couldn’t even bear to finish that sentence.

“Objectively speaking, yes, there are others who are younger and physically stronger. And I would have more time with someone younger.”

Reiji nodded and bowed his head to hide tears threatening to spill out. He was the one who said it first. Ai was simply stating facts. Why did it still sting so much?

“But those are conclusions with faulty logic. There are other factors. Everyone ages. With age comes an eventual decline in physical health, though care in diet and exercise can help mitigate those effects. And…” He put his hands on both sides of Reiji’s face and lifted it up so they were making eye contact. “They wouldn’t be you. It would be highly inefficient to try to look for ‘better’ when the one who has the qualities I value most is right here. What’s the point in having more time if that time wouldn’t be as good as what I have with you?”

For a few moments Reiji could only stare at Ai as he wrapped his head around what he’d just said. Then he took one of Ai’s hands in both of his and held it close to his chest. “Ai-Ai…you…I love you so much…”

“It’s simply a statement based on empirical evidence.” He smiled and put his other hand on top of Reiji’s. “But I love you too.”

He started to shake. He didn’t care how pathetic it made him sound, but he couldn’t help but beg, “Please…please don’t leave…”

Ai pulled him into a hug. “You don’t need to worry. I’m here. I know I cannot completely comprehend what the aging process does to the human body and all the issues that brings. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here for you. I will do all I can to help you. The time I have with you is the most valuable of all.” Then, with a smile, “But don’t expect me to go easy on you during training.”

Reiji smiled back, a mildly defiant expression on his face. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“Good. But that can come after your body has recuperated.” After a pause, “And please, try to remember you do have your strengths. You’re not useless. There’s a reason any given group will have people with different areas of specialty. The four of us differ so vastly from each other, but we all have our contributions to the group. Besides, Ryuya-sensei and Ringo-sensei are older than you, and they’re still active idols.”

Reiji mentally slapped himself on the head, wondering how something so obvious never crossed his mind. He made a private note to contact them later and talk about these issues and how they continued to maintain their careers and themselves. “You’re…you’re absolutely right, Ai-Ai.” He looked away with a sad smile. “Though I…I still don’t know what I really have to offer.”

“You are adept at adapting to unpredictable social situations and developing rapport with people. Those are valuable skills, especially with how much we work with the public and how much idol work depends on connecting with the audience. It’s not something that can be learned simply through research and studying. I have tried to research and memorize many rules, but I…I still make mistakes.”

“Well, everyone makes mistakes. It’s natural, especially since social interactions depend so much on context. It’s kind of hard to apply blanket rules to every single situation.” 

“How do you learn to tell which ones to apply, then?”

Reiji paused, trying to find the right words to explain. “Hm…I suppose it’s gotten to be mostly intuitive for me, just from the sheer amount of practice I’ve had with it. Though you’re right, it’s tough to learn since there are no hard and fast rules that work for every situation and every person. But I can try to help with that, if you’d like.”

“I would like that. More information is always useful.”

“Then it’s a deal. But I won’t go easy on you either.”

Ai mirrored the challenging expression Reiji had given him earlier. “Of course. Though perhaps you should give some lessons to Ranmaru as well. I’ve seen you two on variety shows, and even I can tell he does poorly on those.” 

Reiji laughed. “Oh, believe me, Ai-Ai, I’ve tried. But you know Ran-Ran, stubborn as a mule. Working those shows with him is a…” He took a moment to pick a tactful way to phrase it. “…a challenge.”

“It does seem like it. But the results are interesting nevertheless.” A pause. “And…there is one more thing.”

“What is it?”

Ai put a hand on Reiji’s chest, over his heart. “This. No one…has a heart quite like yours.”

Those words made Reiji so happy he couldn’t help but lean in for a quick kiss. After a few moments with Ai’s hand resting on Reiji’s chest and Reiji’s hand on top of Ai’s, Ai asked, “Your heartbeat and breathing rate have decreased. Does that mean you are less…are you feeling better now?”

Reiji gave Ai’s hand a squeeze. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“I’m glad. By the way, Reiji…you haven’t been sleeping properly, have you? Even on nights when you’re actually in bed?”

“What makes you say that, Ai-Ai?”

“I have noticed how easily and soundly you fall asleep outside of normal sleeping hours - or what passes for normal for us, anyway. It’s especially noticeable when you lay your head in my lap.”

A small laugh. “Well, I do feel a lot more comfortable in your presence, Ai-Ai.”

“I see. Then…feel free to call for me should you need assistance falling asleep.”

Reiji rested his head on Ai’s shoulder. “You _are_ quite comfy, Ai-Ai!”

“That…wasn’t what I was thinking, but if it helps…” Ai lowered both of them so they were laying down with Reiji’s head still resting on his shoulder.

“It does. Thank you, Ai-Ai.” 

Though no one could stop the flow of time or predict career trajectory, Reiji was heartened by his bandmates’ roundabout ways of showing they cared about him as a person (and not just how useful he was) and Ai’s promise to stay by his side and help him. The prospect of getting older seemed less like a death sentence and more of something full of possibilities. For now, though, Reiji wanted to simply enjoy the present, this quiet moment with Ai.


End file.
